We’re putting out a new video and have roughly 90 minutes from it (we do very long scenes). We’re not going to be able to use this clip because of the poor audio quality, which is a shame because I think it has a lot of power. In the future, we’re going to use a better mike set-up so that people can hear me better.

Strap-On and Tease Video Preview

Here’s what we’re saying:

MR: Is there anything you wanted to talk about before I go get it?

P: Please, can I come if you fuck me?

MR: Please what?

P: Can I come if you fuck me?

MR: Probably not

P: Please

MR: Remember, what I put on the calendar?

P: Yes, but please.

MR: But why would I change it?

P: You know I feel scared.

MR: I do

P: That I feel really vulnerable, and I might feel angry with you. it’s so not fair. Particularly if you come.

MR: And what do I always say?

P: I don’t know?

MR: If you start to get angry. If you start to really feel, distant, and incomplete. We can talk about it, and we can negotiate it. But right now, I think I should fuck you, and tease you. And you shouldn’t come. OK>

P: OK.

Last night was the first night of teasing in our new chastity regimen. It leads to strange sensations that remind me of unhappier times in my life. The teasing fills me with an intense but unrequited desire for release. Ordinary things about my lover seem to take on new meaning- the fall of her breasts, the shape of her hips, the line of her jaw- all seem somehow more erotic and (particularly) powerful. I often murmur to her that, “I want you.”

Last night she replied with, “I’m right here.” Which, of course, doesn’t really help me because my desire is more specific.

Really what I’m saying is that “I desire to use you to achieve a form or release that will bring us closeness and a sense of fulfillment.” And what she’s telling me, often specifically, is that she’s available to hold me, but has no desire to bring a premature end to our experiment in chastity.

It reminds me of getting my heart broken. (more…)

I get this question a lot. So much, it’s almost surprising I’ve not tackled it before now. Though, perhaps, because I really don’t have much of an answer. For me, it doesn’t seem to so much be activity-oriented as it is geared toward a certain individual. To wit, I enjoy just about anything with my boyfriend — be it over-the-top kinky, or almost vanilla. I had a great time getting to explore Domina M‘s wonderful nickel talons with the lovely bound Guinevere — likely because there’s a good deal of sisterly affection. Had I been trying out my domina chops with someone less pleasant, or overly critical, it wouldn’t have been nearly the fun, esteem-building experience it was.

Of course, I run into an issue then in my professional life when asked that famous question: ‘What do you enjoy, Mistress?’ What the hell do I enjoy? Are there any activities that are entirely independent of whether or not I’m enjoying them with a particular person, or type of person? There might be, but, considering I choose not to play (seriously) outside of my relationship, I’m much more aware of those that I know I share with my boyfriend only. Strap-on’s a good example. It’s definitely something I love to do — especially for the effects it has upon him and his behaviour — but only with him. Though, oddly enough, I do love to talk about it. Actually, my NiteFlirt callers get that quite a lot (more…)

It’s a lovely afternoon in Southern California, especially Los Angeles at the Hilton just off the international airport. Dommes of all shape and size are sitting down to tea served by devoted submissive men at the 5th annual DomCon LA’s official Mistresses Tea event. Some of us are professional, others are strictly lifestyle. We all have one thing in common, though: navigating the ever-changing climate of the kinky subculture and taking refuge in a sisterhood that continues to grow through such events, bridging the gap of nationality and geography alike. A commonality we don’t share is the constant tightrope walk in which a dominatrix (that is, a pro-domme) has to walk. One such very experienced lifestyler left us all with a nugget of wisdom after witnessing such acrobatics throughout her lifetime in the scene by the simple phrase: ‘I couldn’t do it.’ The struggle to maintain the line between professional and private — social and commercial, client and companionship — was just too difficult. In that regard, she stated quite confidently that lifestylers have it easy. Thinking back on my own years as a lifestyler, (8 years total, as of this year, for the curious) I couldn’t help but agree that she had a point.

It’s not easy.

I also marvel at some days when I wake up and think how the hell I even got here. When I was a little girl, I dreamt of being all kinds of things: Vampire Queenes, powerful sorceresses weaving spells under whom many a hapless prince fell before long, daring super-spies — capable of death-defying feats, but their ultrapowers of seduction being the best weapon in their arsenal; when I got a bit older and decided I still liked the foreign (or domestic) intelligence agent / investigator route, I figured I could satisfy the other cravings by simply taking the stage and being an actress. I subsequently spent several years there in theatre, but really longed to run the show myself: writing, directing, producing, and performing — the whole nine yards. That became a goal I’ve yet to solidly keep on the back-burner. No matter how I try, it’s always coming back to the forefront — as deep passions tend to do. So, how does a retail wench, office coordinator, administrative assistant, service industry professional — none of which ever really utilise her education in Psychology — and especially not Forensic Psychology — end up a dominatrix? Well, not that dramatically, to be honest. Combine a down economy with a move to a bustling new city full of an entirely different demographic, add more than a sprinkle of distaste for being anyone’s employee, a dash of the thrill of self-employment, heat on high with a strong business model — and away you go! Viola! Dominatrix a la mode. (Though, if you really want to hear something funny, ask me or headslave about ‘dildo stew.’)

Which brings us to … headslave. (more…)