As some of you know, I love to sing. Occasionally, I’ll share some of them with my Podcast listeners, but I try to keep that pretty strictly about D/s — or, if someone requests — my artistic projects. (I’ve not forgotten you, Arnaut!)

But every now and again, something comes along that magically incorporates everything. Ladies and gents, Laura Branigan’s 1984 ‘banned-in-Boston’ music video, ‘Self Control’.

Okay, yeah, so, I know what you’re thinking: is that the Phantom of the Opera? Why is he here? And, OH, MY GOD, DID HE JUST … ?

Yes. Yes, he did. (And for you lazy asses who have NO idea what’s going on there, WATCH THE FRICKIN’ VIDEO.)

(more…)

Sex.

Man. The power it holds over us human beings is pretty phenomenal, isn’t it? While it has a greater physical impact upon men, it has an equally emotional one on the fairer sex (and, of course, some men as well). So the intensity, and the need, is quite equivalent, but expressed very differently — and with enough overlap to create the dance between the sexes we all know well. The truth is, there’s a lot of research that says we’re basically serial monogamists as a species; while some of us can certainly hack forever, we may not be expected to do so consistently.

And, yep, that means just what you think it does: when she’d rather read, and you’d like to … erm, ‘make use’ of your own ‘reading material’ — it doesn’t mean the honeymoon’s over completely and eternally — but the infatuation is. While it’s a rather sad thing to mourn, and I’m happier in general knowing that my fiance’s orgasms are under my control, these blips on the sex-dar are pretty normal — and very human.

Once you’ve come to accept that, what the hell do you do? It’s tricky, honestly, because what I’m about to tell you proves a real test for most couples, and explains a good portion of the rising divorce rate over the last 30 years. When both partners decide against ‘forcing’ the sexual chemistry back into their relationship, they tend to ‘let each other be’ — sometimes entering a no-sex spiral that lasts for months. Or years. What began, ‘Not tonight, honey. I really want / need / have to X, Y, or Z,’ became a lower expectation of sexual interest, which then became a decreased need, and the forming of a habit and entirely different dimension of the prior sexual relationship. This is typically how, and why, couples that were once engaging in a healthy, active sexual relationship have managed to dry up and go celibate for years.

So, what the fuck happened? A number of things. Habits are tough to break, and a respite does not equal a permanent sexual lull. There are a lot of dependent factors, but also some ways to avoid the major pitfalls — if you know what to look for and have genuine compatibility.

Hmm. Speaking of lulls and genuine compatibility, my fiance’s getting home soon. While I feel this is no doubt a very important post to be making, I think it’ll have to wait.

Keep your eyes peeled. And in the meanwhile, ask questions. You know I love those.

Wow, another one already.

This one from another guy off CollarMe, asking a pretty common question: are masochistic fantasies healthy? Especially, those in which one desires to be hurt, captured, or forced to submit? It’s a very long, individualised answer — which I rather hinted at in my brief response:

‘Great question, [name given].

Submission exists in many forms — and is as individualised as we are. The key is to understand what’s triggering the ‘submissive fantasies’. It may be a negative or abusive situation from your youth; or, conversely, you may have never experienced anything like that and be secretly curious about it. Sure, you know it’s an awful thing — to be harmed, made to suffer, and experience fear. Consciously, that is. Subconscious is a whole other ball-game, and it plays by very different rules.

Not sure how much you read from my profile, but I’m a psychosexual therapist, so this sort of speculation is my stock and trade. I’m always evaluating the presence or absence of ‘healthy’ versus ‘unhealthy’ kink — namely, that which has presented itself to you based upon negative conditioning from the past through abuse, etc. (unhealthy) from the stuff we fantasise about which comes to us from a place of curiosity about and fascination with the unknown (healthy). My favourite thing to (at least attempt) to do is transform a negatively conditioned ‘unhealthy’ kink into a positive kink experience in a safe, controlled environment. Takes work, but it’s certainly worth it.

I have a number of episodes about this very topic throughout my Podcast on iTunes, ‘Diary of a Dominatrix’. Take your pick, really, or browse the various posting through my website. It’s a hot topic; so hot, actually, that the DSM-V is actually taking such things into account regarding their ‘sexual perversions’ sections. About bloody time, too.

Hope this helps; best of luck to you.

-M Roulette Chatelaine’

What are your thoughts? Experiences? Any you’d like to share?

Think your man wants to fuck you and only you? That no matter how devoted to you, how submissive he is, how much of a true slave he is to you, that yours is the only pussy he wants?

Think again.

So, it’s been an interesting day, to say the least. After a particularly insightful discussion with an old friend about a surprisingly common problem, Mister P and I decided to Podcast on the timeless battle of the sexes; more specifically, sexuality.

His take on it is not something with which I’ve been unfamiliar — but no less find troubling. See, he always wants a new partner. Regardless of what’s going on around him, if there’s new pussy to be had, by God, he wants it! He says all men are oriented this way due to pure biology. Now, the reasons why he doesn’t go out and fulfill those apparently natural drives and instincts is due to the consequences it would involve.

Women, on the other hand, don’t crave strange cock — most of the time. We can be satisfied with the cock we know gets the job done; especially if it happens to be attached to a dear friend of ours, and someone we have a great affection for. This doesn’t factor in with men, and quite frankly, they don’t get this about us. Meanwhile, the knowledge that they’re always imagining and desiring a new sex partner — which, quite obviously, isn’t you anymore — is hardly comforting.

I hate to say it, but it really, really does remind me of one of my favourite romantic comedies. (Not to spoil it for anyone, because it really is worth the watch, but it turns out that men and women are not so easily defined, and men are not always on the constant search for ‘new cow’ — just, watch the film to get the reference.)

So, what Mister P is telling me is that it’s true. After they’ve had us once — just once — and the thrill of the new conquest has abated, a part of them is off and running to the next. Upon just a single sexual encounter, he’s already bored of fucking you.

Charming.

Naturally, I asked him: ‘if there’s no guarantee then, that a man will not just up and fuck up and fulfill his constant need for strange one day, then wouldn’t it make sense that the only way it could be guaranteed is if his woman locks his cock up?’

He blinked for a moment, and then responded (almost hesitantly): ‘ … Yes.’

‘Interesting.’

And there you have it. The battle of the sexes rages on, and the next Podcast episode will be our latest contribution to the eternal war. We haven’t even begun it, and I can already tell you, it’s gonna be one to remember.

By the way … anyone have any suggestions for good, comfortable, solid and reliable chastity devices? I may be in the market for one very soon.

Check back for the next Podcast episode.